The Bever Den is Alive Again!

I've had an outrcry for the 'Beaver Den' to come back to life. To resurrect itself, and begin to leave funny material once more. I've heard the pleas, and I've read the fan mail (alright the fan mail consists of just one person writing in, but one is still a number). So, I will restart the 'Den', now hold on tight ladies and gentlemen.

I guess I better explain where I have been, because so many of you are going to be asking yourself that very question. Why I haven't I written? Is there something more important to capitalize my time, rather than bringing meaning to your lives (my adoring public)? Well if you must know, I have been out training with a very elite paramilitary zombie squad. Thats right, I'm preparing for the next outbreak. It has been tough, because I am no longer near my original zombie team (that and I have a wife that will surely be zombie food because she does NOT believe in zombies...her loss I guess). Any ways, I've been in Russia training, preparing, and of course, honing my skills of zombie eradication (I'm to zombies like Chuck Norris is to anything in the world). The training isn't a cake walk though. Russia has one of the highest zombie outbreak rates in the world. Its dangerous (some experts believe it is due to chemical testing that happened in Easter Europe behind the Iron curtain. Biologicals turned into out of control infectious diseases that now create the most lethal of all zombies. The movie "28 Days Later" with Cillian Murphy is the closest to what the real zombies move like. They aren't lumbering, slow, and dimwitted. These bastards are lightning quick, and ruthless. While on a training mission, one of the team got separated, and it was too dangerous to search for him by foot (we were trained in zombie survival scenarios if we were separated from the rest of the team, so we felt that he was in no immediate danger). The only way to search for him in the dark was to use a thermal camera attached to one of the helicopters. Here is the footage, but I warn you, it could be considered graphic.



That is a horrible way to go. It was a shame, but that is the inherent danger of being a zombie slayer. The team is now taking applications for those who might want to join the resistance, and be prepared to destroy the un-dead horde.

On other news, I've also been working for a Mental Health and Mental Retardation company, doing some casework, and skills training. If it weren't for HIPAA regulations, I would already have a sweet book deal in the works, after just three months. I've had to deal with some clients that seem to come right off the Jerry Springer show (one actually claimed that Jerry called them personally to ask if they would be on the show. The producers would have paid airfare, room and board, cigarettes, but no alcohol, that you had to pay for yourself). I even asked my boss if I were to change the names, and write under a nom de plume, but alas I was told no (apparently she had asked the same question some years earlier, and her dreams were squashed as well...although she did say if I promised to cut her in on the deal, I might have a yes). So that is what my time has consisted of. Killing zombies, and working with the mentally impaired.

It started as rioting. But right from the beginning you knew this was different. Because it was happening in small villages, market towns. And then it wasn't on the TV any more. It was in the street outside. It was coming in through your windows. It was a virus. An infection. You didn't need a doctor to tell you that. It was the blood. It was something in the blood. By the time they tried to evacuate the cities it was already too late. Army blockades were overrun. And that's when the exodus started. Before the TV and radio stopped broadcasting there were reports of infection in Paris and New York. We didn't hear anything more after that.