All I Wanted To Get Was Hamster Food

Well, thanks to a couple of friends of mine, I have been banned from ever going into the PetCo. here in Corpus Christi, from now on (well, as far as the store is concerned, a gay guy named Steve is banned from there, but they might have my picture...tricky security cameras).

So, let me catch you up so you'd understand what it is I am talking about. Le and Adde got two gerbils shortly after they were married. Their names Abott and Costello, a pair of brother gerbils. They were heralded as two sweet nice cute critters. Well, as time progressed, these two lovable critters became viewed as hellions and evil bastards. The time came when one evening, Adde went to care for them, and one bit Adde to drew blood. This sent Le (who understandably, but also scared me, went into 'its time to kill this rodent that hurt my wife' mode. I feared for my own life). Well, after threats to turn these new spawns of satans into cosmogerbils, Adde called PetCo to see if they would take the gerbils back. Well, after a phonecall, the store said they would take them back.

So that brings us to today. I go with Le and Adde to PetCo. Adde comes in, comes back out and says that they won't take the gerbils. She then suggests that we should go to PetSmart and see if they would take the gerbils there. On the way, Le goes off on how rediculous that PetCo was (apparently, they were burned before by the same store on taking rodents, but I digress), and he suggested that Adde should just put them on a counter and leave. After we get to PetSmart and find out that they as well won't take the gerbils, Le volunteers me (he had on a Revolution tshirt, so supposedly he couldn't do it himself) to return the critters from hell.

I go in, and stand there for a moment waiting for someone to come to my aid and represent the store. Finally this one guy walks up, and I explain to him my story about how I can not take care of these rodents any longer, and if he could help. He says to me, 'Sorry sir, but I already talked to your girlfriend and told her no about those gerbils (refering to Adde going in).' I quickly get all hysterical, and in my best lispy voice go, 'Oh no you didn't I have no girlfriend, and you will refer to me as Miss, got it? I need to talk to your manager now.' The guy, as he is quickly walking away, points to the manager telling me that is the guy I need to talk to. So, I approach the manager, and quickly begin dropping names of who I talked to and who I was told to talk to. He told me he was sorry but he was up to his ears in gerbils. I offer to help him with those critters because I would be looking for a good time (I'm still talking with my lispy voice so it is getting quite alarming for him I'm sure). Well, after this exchange, I am escorted out of PetCo, and walked to the door. They never give me a chance to just leave the cage and run, they litterally walk me to the front door. As I'm leaving, they tell me that I am no longer welcome at their PetCo. I was banned from an animal store!?! So much for my hamster, he won't be able to eat now because I can not go in and buy food for him. Poor bad haired hamster.

In my defense, one of the two people in the car suggested to me that I should 'pretend to be gay' when I talked to the manager. I was supposed to tell him that they were too much of a temptation for me, and so on, but I haven't a idea why I should have, it is just beyond me. But yeah, I've been banned. No more PetCo. I just hope that it doesn't carry a ban back in Longview, seeing as how I will be living there in about a month. Ah well that is life. I still think it would have been fun to turn the gerbils into cosmogerbils. Then again, that is just me.

What a pain in the ass you are. And it's true: you're not young, you're not new, and you do make people laugh. And me? I'm still with you because you make me laugh. So you know what I got to do? I got to sell my plot in Key Biscayne so I can get one next to you in that craphole Los Copa, so I never miss a laugh.