The Pain, The Pain.

Can there be a more excruciating pain than what I'm experiencing at this moment. Wow, who took theLouisville Slugger to my back? Did I cross someone in the mob? C'mon! Just a little sympathy please (that or just make my back feel better). So I sit here and try to write something funny, because I am being hounded by those (my public) who are in thralls because I haven't posted in a while. So here I am, at the behest of my public, writing in pain (the tears are flowing down my face).

Talk about being lost (no pun intended, but wow, that was lame and very pun-ish), but right now while trying to relieve this pain in my back, I am watching the show 'Lost'. Just how confusing can a show be? I'm sure that there can be even more confusing shows. (I know, not funny yet, but my back hurts). So, I really don't understand all that is going on, besides the arab being held captive by the hispanic with a gun (not trying to be racist, but I don't know their names). I think I'll change the channel.

For christmas, my father gave me a pellet gun (to shoot the cats). This wasn't a predicted, expected or even needed gift, but its the thought that counts (what thought that is, I don't know, maybe to torment the cats, we'll find out). That's a negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full (sorry, but this will be all the blog you, my public, will get while I hurt). Maybe tomorrow, maybe the pain will disipate. We shall see.

Listen. Since I've met you I've nearly been incinerated, drowned, shot at, and chopped into fish bait. We're caught in the middle of something sinister here, my guess is dad found out more than he was looking for and until I'm sure, I'm going to continue to do things the way I think they should be done.

Retractions, an apology, and an All Around of Feeling Miserable

For those of you who follow my rambles, y'all know that I post nearly every day, as long as I have access to internet. Well, in the past 2 days, I've posted once, and if you are asking where it went, I'll explain, but there are things that lead up to that.

Ok, have you ever had one of those days that makes you go, "I'm sure that if I were to vanish, would people really care?" Today is definitely one of those days (which really sucks considering its the holiday season). So what can make your day feel as such you ask? Where do I begin?

The weather was gorgeous (not the reason for one of those days), but it would seem that if there was a bad bounce on the golf course, it had drastic effects on my ball. Rouge pile of leaves? Ate my ball. Tiny limb between freedom and prison, knocking me deeper into the abyss that is the woods. It was with out a doubt, this was the first inkling that I should have not gotten out of bed.

From the golf course (where again, I was pathetic), we head out to eat for our yearly Christmas Eve lunch at a local eatery. While there (which we arrived half an hour before the restaurant actually closed), the Cowboys game was on, and everyone in my family was enthralled in the action. I found myself keeping quiet, an listening to them talk about the game. Food comes (crazy, it happens whenever I order food at restaurants, people bring it to you), and I go for the salsa (yep, mexican food, whoopie..uh sure), but find out it has vanished. How can a bowl of salsa move if I haven't touched it? Simple, it was taken from me by my sister. A reasonable response would be, "did you take my salsa?" (not a rude, inappropriate question), and leading a verbal attack from my father. Getting in trouble for something that I am nothing at fault for. Day continues to get worse (how can it pour so much on you when its clear and 65 outside?) and I find myself really detesting life and the holiday season.

After lunch, I head to my grandparents, where the only reprieve occurs, I sweep the roof our our shop (no more leaves on it). I get to spend time with my grandparents, watch a little tv with them, and finish wrapping the final presents. I leave by 9, and call a friend (out of a few that I am close enough to wish them a Merry Christmas), it was nice to talk to her. Really do miss people in Corpus, and I'll be back (maybe).

Now onto why there is a missing post, or if you have read, why 'Oh the Things I Saw', it seems that when relying on some close friends good nature, and being great sports, I apparently crossed the line. Wasn't my goal, intention, or even thought. I was banking on their great sense of humor to carry on the prank. Mission Failed. That sucked (now I'm buried under 5 miles of snow and a feeling of complete failure as a friend). I sincerely apologize about the 'stunt', and I aim to apologize to those who are involved, and I intend to also apologize face to face. Until then, the low I feel, only towers over the fine coat of dust that settles on a cleanly mopped floor. In the immortal words of 'The Simpsons' comicbook guy, "worst day EVER!" Yeah, that bad. Anyone know where I can find some traffic to go jump in? (preferably heavy and constant, full of 18 wheelers). Until then, I may not post, for the foreseeable future (might be the last post EVER). For that, I am looking for a rock to go hide under.

It's Christmas Eve. It's-it's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we-we-we smile a little easier, we-w-w-we-we-we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be. So you've got a program featuring America's favorite old fart. Reading a book in front of a fireplace. Now, I have to kill all of you.

Talk of Weasels?!

*yawn* Some days just don't pay. Others, pay out of the yin yang. Today was one of those days where the line was extremely borderline. While running errands with my mother, she came up with the bonzo idea, get me a ferret. A weasel? That would be interesting. That's alot of trouble a critter like that would get me into. Who knows. We'll have to wait and see, but we did go look at some ferret pups. Those things are mean. Wow, what can I say? The 'nicest' one chewed the tar out of my hand. We'll see if I get one, but the way they're talking, its either a.) a ferret, or b.) a 32 inch TV. What a toss up. I'll keep y'all posted.

Apparently, Agent 37 is out causing mayhem again. He has something in the works with Agent H. Now it seems that Captain Charisma will have to get off his laurels, and crash the mayhaminess that is being planned. Hmm, what can be done? Espionage? Call the authorities? Sit back and just wait to see what happens? Luckily I'm lazy, so that means I'll just sit back and watch to see what happens. Even though I'm in the know without being in the know (that and I'm 418 miles too far north, so kind of hard to spy). So, here's to waiting to see what happens, again.

They all have husbands and wives and children and houses and dogs, and, you know, they've all made themselves a part of something and they can talk about what they do. What am I gonna say? "I killed the president of Paraguay with a fork. How've you been?"

Ugh. So Much for the Christmas Spirit

Have we fallen as a society that people lose their civility during the holiday season? Wow, it is amazing. Walking through the mall parking lot, my mother and I were nearly run over multiple times by motorists just flying around the parking lot. It was kinda crazy. Finally, I accepted the task, if I got hit, I was going to leave a huge dent in their bumper (remember, I'm big and ugly!). People cut you off while walking through the mall, give you dirty looks, push you out of the way as they are walking. It just blows me away. People forget what this season is about, well, I know actually the ACLU is out there to blame. What better way for the enemy to shake our faith, than make us embrace the evils of capitolism? Ah well, we all love presents. Just remember, its better to give than recieve (except when it comes to VD). Sometimes it makes you want to just punch the next person in the face that doesn't have the holiday spirit, and say, "Straighten up Scrooge!". Really a holiday thing to do, but still, punch them in the face!

It gets interesting to be back home. Running into people I haven't seen people in a few years, and they come up to say hi. Because I've never had facial hair before, they kind of freeze when they come up to me, to re assess whether or not its really me. Like I'm some kind of crazy killer...(insert comedic joke here). Speaking of crazy. I'm bringing back guns with me to Corpus. Since Mark has moved, I'm scared, and no longer feel safe. I blame his smuggling past. Never know when the asian mafia will come when they lose their easy patsy. That, or he actually stole money from them, but he might not be that bright. Never hurts to be armed to the teeth though.

Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny stinking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white butt down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.

One Week til Christmas

Tonight was the first night that I was able to see my Packers play a game. Now I know why they're a listful 3-10 (3-11 after tonight), they are just plain aweful. I don't blame it on the great ageless one under center, Brett is still the man. Always was, always is. I hope that he comes back for one more season, The NFL isn't ready for him to go just yet (neither am I, because I hope that they play in Dallas again next season, maybe Stephen Diaz and I can go and he'll buy the tickets). Regardless they played aweful tonight, no spirit, nothing. It really made the night kind of boring due to them playing very bad, and I was looking foward to watching them kill the Ravens. Maybe next year, next year.

So, while moping around because my Packers were playing aweful, I scooped up the hometown newspaper, and looked at the movie theater listings, and what did I find to boost my morale? On the day that they are releasing Serenity on DVD (Dec. 20th! Happy day indeed!) The second and newest dollar theater (50 cents before 6 pm) is playing Serenity. So at 12:20 tomorrow, I will be going to see the movie! What a joy! I might go every day this week, til I get the movie on DVD. This makes me very happy indeed.

In other news, I got a new person to comment on my blog. While searching random blogs on blogger, I found a blog of a teacher in NYC, and the only reason I posted was because she was from Texas, and was curious to find out where she was from (fortunatly, curiosity doesn't kill the beaver). Well, she posted back, and crazy thing is, she's originally from Corpus. That was crazy. Just a random thing. Maybe she'll come back and comment again (I want atleast 5 people to comment on my blog to get the list up to 20 total comments).

Le' gave away my Christmas present, all because a girl gave him a kiss. I didn't know he'd betray me like that. Well I know that he didn't betray me, but I can give him grief. What would life be like if I didn't give him greif. It would be nice to know what all my good friends are doing for the holidays, since no one has really told me (I haven't asked either, but thats not my responsibilty).

Ok, new twist to yesterdays toss up. Instead of an actual profession, what kind of video game character would you be? Dig-Dug or the guy from Pitfall?

Hmmm, Pitfall, lets see, you run around on one of four screens. You jump on/over alligators in a pond, swing on a rope over a pit, an open plain, go underground, and jump over snakes and scorpions. You find one chest of gold. A very interesting life. Not very dangerous, if you think that alligators, scorpions, and snakes are not scary. You also gain no points, find that there is no time limit, or goal in life as a character in this original game (on Atari).

Ok, now Dig-Dug. What a guy. Dig around in the dirt, chase enemies and pump them full of air til they pop. You face either an underground fire breathing dragon, or a weird looking guy in an orange suit, wearing ski goggles. You can dig out dirt under a rock and get more points if you get the rock to drop on your enemies. Crushing people....FUN!

So after careful consideration, and playing some video games for research purposes of course, I'm going to have to say that I'd choose the life of DIg-Dug. Making people explode is fun, plus you get bonus points for crushing them with boulders. Since in Pitfall, you have no purpose in life, which would be NO FUN. None whats so ever.

Maybe next time I'll do cartoon characters, or tv characters. Only if I can come up with some funny ones to toss up together. Feel free to give me suggestions, and I'll toss 'em up.

Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you must feel would be far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don't you feel remorse for what you have done? Well, that's all I'm going to say about poor Flick.