Ok, so I know it has been a really, really, really, really, really long time since I have posted anything, and the 2 people who follow what I used to say, are no longer doing that. So, why do I not post? Well, it is not because I have no funny things to say, trust me I'm a walking funny quote machine...at least the laugh track resides within my head. I come up with really great things to say, but when I get around to typing them up...I have a brain fart...the funny hides inside, and does not make it to the tips of my fingers to type into this blog. I have funny things happen...I forget what it was, maybe I've got brain damage. So, I'm going to try and make a change to this...I want to be funny for people again, say interesting things, and have awesome quotes. Alas...maybe that day will come.
So what could I write about? Politics? Yes, I could, can, and might...but my conservative ways might be frustrating to others. God and the relationship therein? Yes, but I'm currently at a point where I'm being stubborn and fighting against Him...so I can't go there right now. Comedy? Of course, I can do that. I'm certain to offer some random soundbite or quote of stupidity...like 'Would you like some wine with that cheese?'...yes, I have dyslexic quote problems...I'm just stupid like that. Gah, I'll give it some time. I'll write some things, and I will try. Feel free to offer some comments, maybe make a suggestion or 2...I promise I'll try to listen.
This is the thought I'm having though...I might close down my facebook...be done with it once and for all. I would miss following up what people I know are doing, how their life is going, and so on, but I'm just not sure. I could go the way of twitter...but I don't know all the twitter rules @personX said by @personY. I'm just not that creative. Maybe I'll do something famous, get a ton of followers...that would be awesome. Time will tell, I'll think about it. Maybe I'll pull the trigger. So until then...........................
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Sunday, January 18, 2009
History this Tuesday?
Now, I know that I have claimed that I would stay away from making this blog anything political (even though I have been known to be extremely outspoken, I don't want to mix it with my funny-ness). Regardless, I find myself at a high level of irritation with this upcoming inauguration on Tuesday. At work I find out that it will not be a 'work day' for my clients as they will be given time to watch Barrack Obama be sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. Every where I look, people are talking about how this is a historic moment in our history. I'm sorry, but that I have to dis-agree with that, as this is the 44th president to take the oath of office. HE WILL BE NUMBER 44! Not number 1, that distinction goes to George Washington.
Ok, so what about his race? He will be the first 'black' president in the history of our Union. Now here is where I draw the distinction, why is it just me that could care less what color or ethnicity our president will be? I could care less if our president was black, white, yellow, green, red, or purple. For pete's sake, our next president could be freakin Barney the Purple dinosaur. The only thing that I can think of that could keep Barney out of the Whitehouse would be the fact that he isn't the minimum age of 35....then again, they say dinosaurs have been around for at least 165 million years, so that could make him eligible. So, why is such a big deal being made out of this inauguration? If we are supposed to move past racism, why continue to make this kind of distinction, because it (whether people want to agree with this or not) fosters thoughts of racism. We are pointing out someones ethnicity, and singling them out. That is the basic requirement of racism (and as far as I am concerned, that is all that is needed to make a racist remark). I am against pointing out ANYTHING that singles someone out because of their ethnicity.
So why are we so worked up about this inauguration? Simply because it shows how much the media is up the liberal agendas rearend. I can't say that makes me feel comfortable. Such a fuss was made back in 2005 when W was being sworn back in for his second term (roughly $40 million was spent for that program to go down...extremely wasteful spending the media dubbed. Yet this inauguration will cost the the American taxpayer $120 million?! The outrage? None, but instead this is being labeled as a historic moment in our history). What the crap?!
It just makes me sick. I think I will call in sick on Tuesday, because I'm sick of our government, our society, and just the pure hypocrisy that is all that has become 'The United States of America'.
Ok, so what about his race? He will be the first 'black' president in the history of our Union. Now here is where I draw the distinction, why is it just me that could care less what color or ethnicity our president will be? I could care less if our president was black, white, yellow, green, red, or purple. For pete's sake, our next president could be freakin Barney the Purple dinosaur. The only thing that I can think of that could keep Barney out of the Whitehouse would be the fact that he isn't the minimum age of 35....then again, they say dinosaurs have been around for at least 165 million years, so that could make him eligible. So, why is such a big deal being made out of this inauguration? If we are supposed to move past racism, why continue to make this kind of distinction, because it (whether people want to agree with this or not) fosters thoughts of racism. We are pointing out someones ethnicity, and singling them out. That is the basic requirement of racism (and as far as I am concerned, that is all that is needed to make a racist remark). I am against pointing out ANYTHING that singles someone out because of their ethnicity.
So why are we so worked up about this inauguration? Simply because it shows how much the media is up the liberal agendas rearend. I can't say that makes me feel comfortable. Such a fuss was made back in 2005 when W was being sworn back in for his second term (roughly $40 million was spent for that program to go down...extremely wasteful spending the media dubbed. Yet this inauguration will cost the the American taxpayer $120 million?! The outrage? None, but instead this is being labeled as a historic moment in our history). What the crap?!
It just makes me sick. I think I will call in sick on Tuesday, because I'm sick of our government, our society, and just the pure hypocrisy that is all that has become 'The United States of America'.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Blogger = Big Brother?
With the coming of the return of the 'Beaver Den', so has the illusive "eFox" (I think they go with the little e to try and rip off the concept first invented by Apple and the iPod..then again, that was a concept that has been stolen so many time since then as well, so I really shouldn't mince words or digress like I have in the confines of a silent thought like I'm having here, but I just can not seem to help my self). So who is this "eFox"? Nothing more than one of THE MOST AWESOMEST OF PEOPLE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!?!?! Not trying to blow smoke up anyones rears here, but I have nothing but adoration and super awesome words to say about this secretive "eFox". Those that know him, know him well, and those who have no clue who he is, fear him and his steely resolve. Of course, with great awesomeness comes bouts of paranoia. The "eFox" is afraid of government, in which he has given contradiction to his own thoughts by saying that people shouldn't fear the governments, but governments should fear their people (which is the only awesome thing to come out of the movie "V is for Vendetta"). Apparently, "eFox" has resorted to lambasting Blogger as a member of the gestapo that has been a fall out from the multitudes of bills that have been passed that make up the 'Homeland Security Initiative' (I'm not one to rant about political trifles of the sort, nor do I really contemplate thinking my opinion matters, I choose not to vote so I can't complain!). Of course, by writing all this, the illusive 'eFox' will write once more, and tell me how I'm just begging for a hurting, or something like that, but with that, I wan tot say this to the "eFox"...bring your banter big boy, and add some spice to this crockpot of awesomeness that is THE BEAVER DEN! I'm willing to bet that one thing that "eFox" will tell me is this, "you are totally misrepresenting me and my ideals." Well, you might have to ask that yourself, and then begin to contribute a counterpoint to what I say (I've become devious since I've been married).
Of course, if "eFox" is right, and Blogger is equal to Big Brother, then what more important thing to create for shear survival, than my own assumed identity. But what goes into creating a assumed identity? Stealing someone else's identity is a bad idea (there are too many cases of stolen identities that it would be easy to be caught), so I suggest coming up with really cool ones instead, and short back stories to give them life and personality. So, in the tradition of 'The Beaver Den', I have come up with 5 distinct assumed identities, and leave them up to you, my adoring hoard of fans to let me know which one I should invest in:
Of course, now after listing all 5 of my favorite assumed identities, if Blogger really is Big Brother, I've totally hosed myself. What the crap?! I'm truly screwed. Lets just hope that I have not blown my chances of hiding from the powers that be (the ones that also preach that 'Global Warming is bad', because as we all know, its good...face it, we all look better with a tan!) will be slim to none. Glad I have extra high clearance to do things since I'm world renowned for my zombie slaying abilities (I'm like a national treasure).
Of course, if "eFox" is right, and Blogger is equal to Big Brother, then what more important thing to create for shear survival, than my own assumed identity. But what goes into creating a assumed identity? Stealing someone else's identity is a bad idea (there are too many cases of stolen identities that it would be easy to be caught), so I suggest coming up with really cool ones instead, and short back stories to give them life and personality. So, in the tradition of 'The Beaver Den', I have come up with 5 distinct assumed identities, and leave them up to you, my adoring hoard of fans to let me know which one I should invest in:
- Harry Boldwin - a small town man with a dream...and what is that dream you ask? To break only the most falsified records ever conceived: Wilt Chamberlain's off the basketball court record (if you are asking what that is, then apparently you haven't had the same dream as my man Harry Boldwin).
- Pierre de la Snoose - a hairy Frenchman who has immigrated to the United States looking for a chance to continue his illustrious (and at the same time notorious) career as a poodle wrestler. If you haven't seen him preform and fight these *cough* noble hounds, then you have never truly lived.
- Tom Cruise - a one time famous and A list actor, who has now sold his soul to the devil, and become a crackpot who supports a whacked out money based wanna be religion, and thinks he knows all there is to know about psychology (says it is against everything that his religion teaches, but we all know that it is a result of his fear of needing anti-psychotic medications like serequil)....now that I think of it, this might identity might already be in use, check it out at the bottom:
- Taylor Pedigrew - from a noble background of nobles from old world Europe. Taylor's only dream is to one day conquer the world, and become the supreme world leader. He believes that in a past life he went by the name 'Lord Xenu' (woah, two shots at scientology in one post?! I am just begging to be sued). and he wants to reclaim his position at the head of the galactic confederacy.
- Jacques Burper - a long haired artist who is unfortunately stricken by a very horrible disorder, and that is a disorder in the hierarchy of the needs of love. This poor man just knows that there is that one specific love out there for him (everyone that knows him, knows it is true, but all beg for whatever power that be, grant Jacques that love, so then he could probably stop pining about not gaining it). He plays the guitar, is artistic, and loves to cook, yet his disability afflicts him.
Of course, now after listing all 5 of my favorite assumed identities, if Blogger really is Big Brother, I've totally hosed myself. What the crap?! I'm truly screwed. Lets just hope that I have not blown my chances of hiding from the powers that be (the ones that also preach that 'Global Warming is bad', because as we all know, its good...face it, we all look better with a tan!) will be slim to none. Glad I have extra high clearance to do things since I'm world renowned for my zombie slaying abilities (I'm like a national treasure).
Dad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!
Thursday, November 15, 2007
The Bever Den is Alive Again!
I've had an outrcry for the 'Beaver Den' to come back to life. To resurrect itself, and begin to leave funny material once more. I've heard the pleas, and I've read the fan mail (alright the fan mail consists of just one person writing in, but one is still a number). So, I will restart the 'Den', now hold on tight ladies and gentlemen.
I guess I better explain where I have been, because so many of you are going to be asking yourself that very question. Why I haven't I written? Is there something more important to capitalize my time, rather than bringing meaning to your lives (my adoring public)? Well if you must know, I have been out training with a very elite paramilitary zombie squad. Thats right, I'm preparing for the next outbreak. It has been tough, because I am no longer near my original zombie team (that and I have a wife that will surely be zombie food because she does NOT believe in zombies...her loss I guess). Any ways, I've been in Russia training, preparing, and of course, honing my skills of zombie eradication (I'm to zombies like Chuck Norris is to anything in the world). The training isn't a cake walk though. Russia has one of the highest zombie outbreak rates in the world. Its dangerous (some experts believe it is due to chemical testing that happened in Easter Europe behind the Iron curtain. Biologicals turned into out of control infectious diseases that now create the most lethal of all zombies. The movie "28 Days Later" with Cillian Murphy is the closest to what the real zombies move like. They aren't lumbering, slow, and dimwitted. These bastards are lightning quick, and ruthless. While on a training mission, one of the team got separated, and it was too dangerous to search for him by foot (we were trained in zombie survival scenarios if we were separated from the rest of the team, so we felt that he was in no immediate danger). The only way to search for him in the dark was to use a thermal camera attached to one of the helicopters. Here is the footage, but I warn you, it could be considered graphic.
That is a horrible way to go. It was a shame, but that is the inherent danger of being a zombie slayer. The team is now taking applications for those who might want to join the resistance, and be prepared to destroy the un-dead horde.
On other news, I've also been working for a Mental Health and Mental Retardation company, doing some casework, and skills training. If it weren't for HIPAA regulations, I would already have a sweet book deal in the works, after just three months. I've had to deal with some clients that seem to come right off the Jerry Springer show (one actually claimed that Jerry called them personally to ask if they would be on the show. The producers would have paid airfare, room and board, cigarettes, but no alcohol, that you had to pay for yourself). I even asked my boss if I were to change the names, and write under a nom de plume, but alas I was told no (apparently she had asked the same question some years earlier, and her dreams were squashed as well...although she did say if I promised to cut her in on the deal, I might have a yes). So that is what my time has consisted of. Killing zombies, and working with the mentally impaired.
I guess I better explain where I have been, because so many of you are going to be asking yourself that very question. Why I haven't I written? Is there something more important to capitalize my time, rather than bringing meaning to your lives (my adoring public)? Well if you must know, I have been out training with a very elite paramilitary zombie squad. Thats right, I'm preparing for the next outbreak. It has been tough, because I am no longer near my original zombie team (that and I have a wife that will surely be zombie food because she does NOT believe in zombies...her loss I guess). Any ways, I've been in Russia training, preparing, and of course, honing my skills of zombie eradication (I'm to zombies like Chuck Norris is to anything in the world). The training isn't a cake walk though. Russia has one of the highest zombie outbreak rates in the world. Its dangerous (some experts believe it is due to chemical testing that happened in Easter Europe behind the Iron curtain. Biologicals turned into out of control infectious diseases that now create the most lethal of all zombies. The movie "28 Days Later" with Cillian Murphy is the closest to what the real zombies move like. They aren't lumbering, slow, and dimwitted. These bastards are lightning quick, and ruthless. While on a training mission, one of the team got separated, and it was too dangerous to search for him by foot (we were trained in zombie survival scenarios if we were separated from the rest of the team, so we felt that he was in no immediate danger). The only way to search for him in the dark was to use a thermal camera attached to one of the helicopters. Here is the footage, but I warn you, it could be considered graphic.
That is a horrible way to go. It was a shame, but that is the inherent danger of being a zombie slayer. The team is now taking applications for those who might want to join the resistance, and be prepared to destroy the un-dead horde.
On other news, I've also been working for a Mental Health and Mental Retardation company, doing some casework, and skills training. If it weren't for HIPAA regulations, I would already have a sweet book deal in the works, after just three months. I've had to deal with some clients that seem to come right off the Jerry Springer show (one actually claimed that Jerry called them personally to ask if they would be on the show. The producers would have paid airfare, room and board, cigarettes, but no alcohol, that you had to pay for yourself). I even asked my boss if I were to change the names, and write under a nom de plume, but alas I was told no (apparently she had asked the same question some years earlier, and her dreams were squashed as well...although she did say if I promised to cut her in on the deal, I might have a yes). So that is what my time has consisted of. Killing zombies, and working with the mentally impaired.
It started as rioting. But right from the beginning you knew this was different. Because it was happening in small villages, market towns. And then it wasn't on the TV any more. It was in the street outside. It was coming in through your windows. It was a virus. An infection. You didn't need a doctor to tell you that. It was the blood. It was something in the blood. By the time they tried to evacuate the cities it was already too late. Army blockades were overrun. And that's when the exodus started. Before the TV and radio stopped broadcasting there were reports of infection in Paris and New York. We didn't hear anything more after that.
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Where Have I Been?
Well, I'm sure that all you are wondering where I have been. The great Captain Charisma, Mr. Beaver himself. Well, to be quite honest...I've been tied up to an office chair in the basement by my future wife Brooke (total 'Misery' style, except Brooke is a whole lot hotter than Kathy Bates, totally). I finally chewed through the chain that was holding me to the chair, and was able to scramble off for help. Alas, even my cries of help were left unheeded, as I was told, "how can someone that cute and sweet do such a thing to you?". Well its quite simple, she's the boss. So I must do as I am told. Although I have decided to NEVER learn to speak woman, I will do what I can to make sure that she will be very happy as my wife. Well, that is the plan anyways. There are a ton of critics out there that exclaim that living with me is very difficult, and no one can really put up living with me. Brooke plans to try, and I know that by the grace of God she will (that, and she uses a really hard broomstick to hit me over the head with).
Actually, Brooke was fussing at me today because I never update any of my information, nor do I ever post any new collaborations with the voices in my head. She even got mad that I never do anything with my xanga account (which really doesn't bother me, because xanga is almost as evil as myspace). So, I am writing because she said I must do so (I'm thinking I might get the hang of the marriage thing), so that is what is going on.
Last week, I took Brooke to see 'Transformers', and let me say this simply...IT ROCKED! I can not wait for the sequel, nor the appearance of the Dinobots (Grimlock rules!!). Michael Bay did a great job, I was surprised (no Optimus Prime on Meagan Fox love scenes...that really scared me that such a thing might make the film).
I'm going to use the rest of this post to state two things: 1) the wedding is August 4th, which is getting very close, and 2.) I'm going to use the rest of this post to show pictures of my beautiful future wife, Brooke.
This is when Brooke and I went to see the Dallas Stars play
(isn't she super-gorgeous!?)
Here Brooke and I are together
(yes, I am well aware that she is way hotter than I am)
Finally, here was one evening when Brooke was trying to look seductive
(fortunately for her, it work).
Yes, Brooke is the second best thing that has ever happened to me (moving to Corpus, and learning how to live life so that i can be a better husband to her. Oh, Oh, Oh, one last thing: most awesome video ever! Check it out! (better than the cat eating sunroof).
Actually, Brooke was fussing at me today because I never update any of my information, nor do I ever post any new collaborations with the voices in my head. She even got mad that I never do anything with my xanga account (which really doesn't bother me, because xanga is almost as evil as myspace). So, I am writing because she said I must do so (I'm thinking I might get the hang of the marriage thing), so that is what is going on.
Last week, I took Brooke to see 'Transformers', and let me say this simply...IT ROCKED! I can not wait for the sequel, nor the appearance of the Dinobots (Grimlock rules!!). Michael Bay did a great job, I was surprised (no Optimus Prime on Meagan Fox love scenes...that really scared me that such a thing might make the film).
I'm going to use the rest of this post to state two things: 1) the wedding is August 4th, which is getting very close, and 2.) I'm going to use the rest of this post to show pictures of my beautiful future wife, Brooke.
This is when Brooke and I went to see the Dallas Stars play(isn't she super-gorgeous!?)
Here Brooke and I are together(yes, I am well aware that she is way hotter than I am)
Finally, here was one evening when Brooke was trying to look seductive(fortunately for her, it work).
Yes, Brooke is the second best thing that has ever happened to me (moving to Corpus, and learning how to live life so that i can be a better husband to her. Oh, Oh, Oh, one last thing: most awesome video ever! Check it out! (better than the cat eating sunroof).
Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to name a body part man, name your butt. Call it the tight-bouncer or the hexagon.
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