*NEWS FLASH* I Graduate in May

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. The Beaver proudly brings to you, its soon to be spring graduate of 2006. That's right, finally after years and years of professional institutionalization, the Beav is (please hold your applause until after the announcement please) graduating from college!!!! Your tax dollars hard at work folks. So, in the spirt of this most righteous event I have a special edition quote for all y'all, because it is completely fitting for those who know my educational career statistics:

Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too, all right.
Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven
years.
Richard: I know, they're called doctors.

They say a mind is a precious thing to waste, so keep it in school, and maybe it will learn a new trick or two...well, a new trick, no need to ask too much of 'em. Officially on May 13th 2006, the Beav (that's me) will be graduating from college, with a degree (for all you smartasses out there). It will be a joyous event for all involved. I'm sure mom and pop will cry, because of their baby boy will finally be joining the real world, and his friends will be overcome with joy....

Why do I kid myself? I know my parents are going to be saying, "It's about time that good for nothing freeloader is getting a real job, and will no longer burden us with his incessant rambling", and my friends (who won't be overcome with joy, but rather full of cynicism, and sarcasm) will laugh at me unmercifully, and taunt me, hoping that I trip and fall off the stage at graduation. That's just how the Beav is treated folks. Don't give him sympathy, nor try to humor him, because his beaver pelt is tough and rugged, due to the constant harsh winters inflicted upon him by his loved ones, and thanks to global warming. For the Beav will NOT shed a tear. Maybe kngaw a tree down and watch it fall onto the institution that has kept him oppressed for the past 19 years.

I'm amazed, I graduate. Never thought that would happen. Of course, I have no clue what will happen next. A job? (I hope so). Graduate school? (that would rock). The PGA tour? (only if I can scrounge up $4500 to pay for Q-school, and the PGA accepts my application, then that would rock). Only time and the good Lord will know, but at the moment, I am going to be as optimistic as possible. May even do a cheer, or two...but that would take energy, and I'm a lazy beaver. I'll keep all y'all posted.

Tomorrow, Friday (if I remember my Julian calendar correctly), I (4-6 handicap, depending on how much practice and play I get it) will be playing golf with Pastor Jess(12 handicap), Steven my brother from another race (about a 16 handicap), and Ken the Announcement guy (not even NASA supercomputers can formulate this handicap). We will be going to a cheap golf course for a morning of fun, and I will be taking Ken as my partner for a little lo-ball competition against the Pastor and the non-Caucasian guy. Highest score buys non-alcoholic drinks for the victors (going to be me and the indomitable golfball whacker guy). Mmmm, how tasty a won iced cold coca~cola can be. Then in the afternoon, between 1 and 5 pm, the cable guy from Grande Communications (bless you grande, bless you!) will come and enlighten the house with internet and cable. I'm overcome with tears. This means, I get sports again, and I can blog from the comforts of my very room. I am moved to tears.

So, make plans to be in Corpus Christi on May 13th, or to send me lots of money (or even a new truck for graduation) if you can't attend this monumental achievement for mankind.

Kids today are amazing. I played winter ball down in Venezuela, they had kids half his age, every one of them speaking Spanish. That's a hard language.