Texan Til' I Die

Today, after reading Jakob's post, I realized something, it IS great to be a Texan. This is truely God's country. What got me feeling this great about my home state? Besides the fact that I am a diehard Texan, and as some would say, a true hillbilly, it doesn't take much for me to feel this great about this awesome state. What got my creative juices flowing though was a post from Jakob Beltcher. That's what pulled my string (like it takes much for me to get worked up and talk on and on). Well, Jakob posted a 'Rules for Entering Texas', a 15 point commentary about what a foreigner should do, if they ever come to stay in Texas. Upon reading this, I began to think (scary, I had a fire extenguisher handy just in case there was smoke), and I said to my self, 'that sounds more like a person NOT from Texas wrote that'. Sure they got some of the facts about Texans right, but well, there were a few problems, so as a true Texan (kind of an authority on being Texan, seeing how I talk in hillbillyisms and all) I would like to offer my thoughts on these 'rules'. I have also shifted the answers to reflect life from East Texas (where majority of Texans live).

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight, Texas has the best roads in the nation
3. I drive a pickup truck because I am a Texan.
4. Smells like cattle, and oil wells? That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us.
   
5. Get over it. Don't like it here? I-30 and I-10 will get you out east and west, I-20 will get you out of here to Louisiana, I-35 goes north (please, go be a burden on those Okies).
6. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have nienty-thousand dollar bass boats that we use every chance we get a can to call in sick to work.
7. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
8. We all started hunting and fishing when we were six years old. (Yeah, we saw "Bambi" , and "Old Yeller"too. (We got over it.))
9. If that cell phone rings while we're in a deer blind, and that 12 point buck goes a runnin, we will shoot it that darn thing out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
10. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you jack-slapped, by our women (It's an insult to liken our women to those from Nebraska).
11. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone regardless of age.
12. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it medium-rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
13. When we fill out a table there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices - salt, pepper, and Tabasco sauce.
14. If you bring "Hooch" into my house, you should hope that its better than what I got in my still in the shed.
15. Yeah, we have sweet tea (and yes, we drink it year round). It comes in a glass with at least two packets of sugar, some lemon, and a long spoon.
16. We have more Navy, Army, Marines, and Air Force than any other state, so, "Don't Mess With Texas". If you do it will get your butt kicked by the best!
17. Our military is only used as a back up. Per capita, each man, woman and child owns at least two firearms and has taken an NRA Certified Shooter Education Course.
18. Anybody can become an American, but only a Texan by birth.

Now that's more like a true Texan rule book there. Boy howdy. Of course, what rules for comming into Texas wouldn't be complete without a picture of our gorgeous flag (the good ol' Lone Star).

Now that's what I call a 'tear jerker' there y'all. It sure is great to be living in this wonderful state (actually, we are still our own country, but we play nice with the United States, but lets hope that they never cross us).

I don't know for sure exactly how Andy got elected 6 months ago in the first place, but all I do know is that nobody meant for it to happen. It's like the ugly girl in high school who gets picked for prom queen. It ain't nice, but some jerk thinks it's funny and nominates her, and then other people start voting for her thinking no one else is gonna and pretty soon, KAPOW!, the school is stuck with Sheriff Andy for prom queen.