My Political Party

The other night, I sat on the couch talking to a couple of old friends (who are both quite liberal, by the way) and I shared with them that I was no longer a member of the Republican party. They were both astonished. Me? The model GOP? Walk away from a party that I verbally defended at every turn? Yes, I have indeed left them since they act too much like Democrats, and seem to also have liberal tendencies, and their own agenda (Which political party doesn't? Oh yeah, mine!). So I shared to them how I plan to be represented in Congress, and they laughed at me. So to spite them, I called a political consultant, and was given this commerical for my new party, and boy is it a doozie!

Hey boys and girls. Have you heard? There's a new political party out on the scene. Thats right! One that finally voices YOUR opinions. Who needs the Grand Ol' Party, or that other party that is pictorally represented by an ass? Not me, thats for sure. So come join the New Anti-Federalists! We're a peace loving bunch, and we discriminate against no one (Well, against fat cat government, and those evil corporations). We support almost every ideal that was supported by the original anti-federalists back in the late 1700's and early 1800's. We say forget the constitution. That piece of paper that allows "big government" is a gross oversight into what this country really needs.

The Articles of Confederation would work wonders. All they needed was a little revamping. Just allow the federal government to protect us with a large standing army that was funded by a flat tax of 8% on every $100 dollars, and we'd be set. The greatest thing about us is, we put the STATE back into states rights. Thats right kiddies, the states are the top of the food chain, not a bunch of fatcats on Capitol Hill that know nothing about what is going on in your state, but more about taking big fat kickbacks from those large corporations and big oil (we're a friend of big oil when they lower gas to a $1.05, since oil and Texas go hand in hand). No more affirmative action, no more abortion, and no more high medical bills. We will make sure that the most expensive item at the grocery store is not the fresh fruit and vegetables, but those snack foods high in sugar that are killing our kids! We will see to it that a gallon of milk costs less than a gallon of gas. Just think of the endless possibilities! It will be great! So come join the New Anti-Federalists! Hope to see y'all soon!

Ok, I know thats a bit over the top, but I thought it was funny. Some of those views I do hold, and maybe someday I'll be able to bring up this party to fight the one day the republicans and democrats join together to one party.

I might get to go home for Thanksgiving. Wow, wouldn't that be a blast. I haven't gotten to have any of my families great Thanksgiving dinner for two years. Its sad. That is some major withdrawl. I'll keep you updated on that situation. Other news, I was shot down with my association of my devishly handsome good looks and how they strikenly resemble a certain Mohichan portrayed by Daniel Day Lewis. I must say I don't like critics out there. People just laughed at me. Then again, maybe I had something in my nose. It had been running lately. Ah well. Tis another day, and I have tons to say but not enough time, space, or people to read it. So, I shall cut it to this line here.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential...very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds-pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe.