Where Have All My Fans Gone?

Who knew that changing a car starter in a Wienerschnitzel parking lot for 3+ hours could be so invigorating? I mean to tell you, 120lbs torque bolts equal tons of fun (like skinny dipping in the mouth of an active volcano). It was an adventure, I had to use my massive muscles to break these bad boy bolts, and ingeniously insert the new starter. Jakob helped of course, he held the flashlight so I could see what it was that I was doing. An added bonus to this fun? FREE DINNER AT MACARONI GRILL! (boy you gotta love free Italian food).

Now I must say that I'm getting sick and tired of blogging and blogging with no comments to pay off for what I write about. C'mon! (the only feedback that I do get was on xanga, and it was just to mock me). Why do I keep writing then? Ah, I'm just a sucker to have a place to ramble. Boy howdy, am I great at that or what? But if you are reading this, then COMMENT! Even if you only put 'comment' down, I would be pleased.

So how can I generate a buzz to get feedback? Stimulate conversation, thats how! But, how should I go about it? Do I insult people, and draw anger comments? Nah, I'm not that mean of a person (really, I'm not, I don't kick old ladies...often). Oooh! Oooh! I know! Bring back 'Toss-Up Time'! Thats how to do it. Remember? Ninjas vs. Pirates? So, why don't we play kiddies?

Here we go, toss up no. 1: Yakuza vs. Russian Crime Syndicate
Well, to be a member of the yakuza, you get to carry around fully automatic machine guns, and a katana sword. That is defiantly pimp. Also, you get to wear really snazy black suits. Your typical mode of transportation is a really hoss crotchrocket (quick transport to kill lots of folk). Oh, and you get to speak mad Japanese (it will be like living in your own anime movie...yeah, movie).

How about the RCS? That's cool First and foremost, YOU SPEAK FREAKIN RUSSIAN! It is stinkin awesome to talk in a language that people will assume you are always angry and going to kill them. Talk about being a bully. If anyone has seen 'Boondock Saints', here's a reason to want to be RCS, you get to have a Desert Eagle .50 with the sickle and hammer on the front of it (that will drive terror in your shakedown victims). That, and the RCS doesn't get involved in the drugs like the Yakuza does. Plus, being RCS means you'll be just like Boris the Blade. Sharp like a sickle, and as hard as the hammer crossing it.

Talk about a close toss up, but when it comes down to it, I'd have to go RCS, because Russian women look better than the Japanese women, imo. That, and being Russian is much cooler than being Japanese, hands down, no doubt.

Ok, toss up no. 2: Country Music Singer vs. a leper
Hmm, well if you are a country music singer, that means you get to sings songs about your hunting dog, your lousy cheating wife, the nights of drinking copious amounts of alcohol, your really big truck, and of course always singing about your secret fishing hole. The shirts you can wear are not covered by the fashion police jurisdiction, and 10 gallon hats are cool. The tight jeans, you get to wear tight jeans, and ride a horse (or a bull if you're man enough, or Shania Twain, just hoping that she gets bucked off it). Oh and you could be linked up with the greats like uh...hmm, let me see...yeah, you'll get to be like one of those greats!

You will be an elite few who will have this great affliction that is aptly known as leprosy. You can handle armadillos with out fear (you have leprosy, so there is nothing else you can worry about from them). If you are a leper, well, you get a great pickup line:

'Excuse me Miss, but is that my finger in your salad?'

Yeah, thats great. Women will just eat that up (the line, not the finger, and if she does, run for your life because cannibalism is bad). As a leper, you'll get sent out to some remote tropical paradise surrounded by other lepers, and get to play games like, 'whos hand is it', and the leper classic, 'pin the nose on the donkey' (just remember which nose is yours).

Wow, yet another close toss up, but to be honest, everyone is going to choose to be a leper. No self respecting person is going to want to be known as s country singer, unless you get to be as freaking cool as Johnny Cash (unless you are Jakob, he wants to be like Keith Urban, or Shania Twain, I forget which one).

Oh yeah, check this video out, I might just have to order me a phone book because of this:

If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.