Why do I do what it is I try to do?

Ok, so I know it has been a really, really, really, really, really long time since I have posted anything, and the 2 people who follow what I used to say, are no longer doing that. So, why do I not post? Well, it is not because I have no funny things to say, trust me I'm a walking funny quote machine...at least the laugh track resides within my head. I come up with really great things to say, but when I get around to typing them up...I have a brain fart...the funny hides inside, and does not make it to the tips of my fingers to type into this blog. I have funny things happen...I forget what it was, maybe I've got brain damage. So, I'm going to try and make a change to this...I want to be funny for people again, say interesting things, and have awesome quotes. Alas...maybe that day will come.

So what could I write about? Politics? Yes, I could, can, and might...but my conservative ways might be frustrating to others. God and the relationship therein? Yes, but I'm currently at a point where I'm being stubborn and fighting against Him...so I can't go there right now. Comedy? Of course, I can do that. I'm certain to offer some random soundbite or quote of stupidity...like 'Would you like some wine with that cheese?'...yes, I have dyslexic quote problems...I'm just stupid like that. Gah, I'll give it some time. I'll write some things, and I will try. Feel free to offer some comments, maybe make a suggestion or 2...I promise I'll try to listen.

This is the thought I'm having though...I might close down my facebook...be done with it once and for all. I would miss following up what people I know are doing, how their life is going, and so on, but I'm just not sure. I could go the way of twitter...but I don't know all the twitter rules @personX said by @personY. I'm just not that creative. Maybe I'll do something famous, get a ton of followers...that would be awesome. Time will tell, I'll think about it. Maybe I'll pull the trigger. So until then...........................

History this Tuesday?

Now, I know that I have claimed that I would stay away from making this blog anything political (even though I have been known to be extremely outspoken, I don't want to mix it with my funny-ness). Regardless, I find myself at a high level of irritation with this upcoming inauguration on Tuesday. At work I find out that it will not be a 'work day' for my clients as they will be given time to watch Barrack Obama be sworn in as the 44th president of the United States. Every where I look, people are talking about how this is a historic moment in our history. I'm sorry, but that I have to dis-agree with that, as this is the 44th president to take the oath of office. HE WILL BE NUMBER 44! Not number 1, that distinction goes to George Washington.

Ok, so what about his race? He will be the first 'black' president in the history of our Union. Now here is where I draw the distinction, why is it just me that could care less what color or ethnicity our president will be? I could care less if our president was black, white, yellow, green, red, or purple. For pete's sake, our next president could be freakin Barney the Purple dinosaur. The only thing that I can think of that could keep Barney out of the Whitehouse would be the fact that he isn't the minimum age of 35....then again, they say dinosaurs have been around for at least 165 million years, so that could make him eligible. So, why is such a big deal being made out of this inauguration? If we are supposed to move past racism, why continue to make this kind of distinction, because it (whether people want to agree with this or not) fosters thoughts of racism. We are pointing out someones ethnicity, and singling them out. That is the basic requirement of racism (and as far as I am concerned, that is all that is needed to make a racist remark). I am against pointing out ANYTHING that singles someone out because of their ethnicity.

So why are we so worked up about this inauguration? Simply because it shows how much the media is up the liberal agendas rearend. I can't say that makes me feel comfortable. Such a fuss was made back in 2005 when W was being sworn back in for his second term (roughly $40 million was spent for that program to go down...extremely wasteful spending the media dubbed. Yet this inauguration will cost the the American taxpayer $120 million?! The outrage? None, but instead this is being labeled as a historic moment in our history). What the crap?!

It just makes me sick. I think I will call in sick on Tuesday, because I'm sick of our government, our society, and just the pure hypocrisy that is all that has become 'The United States of America'.

Blogger = Big Brother?

With the coming of the return of the 'Beaver Den', so has the illusive "eFox" (I think they go with the little e to try and rip off the concept first invented by Apple and the iPod..then again, that was a concept that has been stolen so many time since then as well, so I really shouldn't mince words or digress like I have in the confines of a silent thought like I'm having here, but I just can not seem to help my self). So who is this "eFox"? Nothing more than one of THE MOST AWESOMEST OF PEOPLE THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!?!?! Not trying to blow smoke up anyones rears here, but I have nothing but adoration and super awesome words to say about this secretive "eFox". Those that know him, know him well, and those who have no clue who he is, fear him and his steely resolve. Of course, with great awesomeness comes bouts of paranoia. The "eFox" is afraid of government, in which he has given contradiction to his own thoughts by saying that people shouldn't fear the governments, but governments should fear their people (which is the only awesome thing to come out of the movie "V is for Vendetta"). Apparently, "eFox" has resorted to lambasting Blogger as a member of the gestapo that has been a fall out from the multitudes of bills that have been passed that make up the 'Homeland Security Initiative' (I'm not one to rant about political trifles of the sort, nor do I really contemplate thinking my opinion matters, I choose not to vote so I can't complain!). Of course, by writing all this, the illusive 'eFox' will write once more, and tell me how I'm just begging for a hurting, or something like that, but with that, I wan tot say this to the "eFox"...bring your banter big boy, and add some spice to this crockpot of awesomeness that is THE BEAVER DEN! I'm willing to bet that one thing that "eFox" will tell me is this, "you are totally misrepresenting me and my ideals." Well, you might have to ask that yourself, and then begin to contribute a counterpoint to what I say (I've become devious since I've been married).

Of course, if "eFox" is right, and Blogger is equal to Big Brother, then what more important thing to create for shear survival, than my own assumed identity. But what goes into creating a assumed identity? Stealing someone else's identity is a bad idea (there are too many cases of stolen identities that it would be easy to be caught), so I suggest coming up with really cool ones instead, and short back stories to give them life and personality. So, in the tradition of 'The Beaver Den', I have come up with 5 distinct assumed identities, and leave them up to you, my adoring hoard of fans to let me know which one I should invest in:

1. Harry Boldwin - a small town man with a dream...and what is that dream you ask? To break only the most falsified records ever conceived: Wilt Chamberlain's off the basketball court record (if you are asking what that is, then apparently you haven't had the same dream as my man Harry Boldwin).
   
2. Pierre de la Snoose - a hairy Frenchman who has immigrated to the United States looking for a chance to continue his illustrious (and at the same time notorious) career as a poodle wrestler. If you haven't seen him preform and fight these *cough* noble hounds, then you have never truly lived.
3. Tom Cruise - a one time famous and A list actor, who has now sold his soul to the devil, and become a crackpot who supports a whacked out money based wanna be religion, and thinks he knows all there is to know about psychology (says it is against everything that his religion teaches, but we all know that it is a result of his fear of needing anti-psychotic medications like serequil)....now that I think of it, this might identity might already be in use, check it out at the bottom:
4. Taylor Pedigrew - from a noble background of nobles from old world Europe. Taylor's only dream is to one day conquer the world, and become the supreme world leader. He believes that in a past life he went by the name 'Lord Xenu' (woah, two shots at scientology in one post?! I am just begging to be sued). and he wants to reclaim his position at the head of the galactic confederacy.
   
5. Jacques Burper - a long haired artist who is unfortunately stricken by a very horrible disorder, and that is a disorder in the hierarchy of the needs of love. This poor man just knows that there is that one specific love out there for him (everyone that knows him, knows it is true, but all beg for whatever power that be, grant Jacques that love, so then he could probably stop pining about not gaining it). He plays the guitar, is artistic, and loves to cook, yet his disability afflicts him.
   

Of course, now after listing all 5 of my favorite assumed identities, if Blogger really is Big Brother, I've totally hosed myself. What the crap?! I'm truly screwed. Lets just hope that I have not blown my chances of hiding from the powers that be (the ones that also preach that 'Global Warming is bad', because as we all know, its good...face it, we all look better with a tan!) will be slim to none. Glad I have extra high clearance to do things since I'm world renowned for my zombie slaying abilities (I'm like a national treasure).

Dad! Tom Cruise won't come out of the closet!

The Bever Den is Alive Again!

I've had an outrcry for the 'Beaver Den' to come back to life. To resurrect itself, and begin to leave funny material once more. I've heard the pleas, and I've read the fan mail (alright the fan mail consists of just one person writing in, but one is still a number). So, I will restart the 'Den', now hold on tight ladies and gentlemen.

I guess I better explain where I have been, because so many of you are going to be asking yourself that very question. Why I haven't I written? Is there something more important to capitalize my time, rather than bringing meaning to your lives (my adoring public)? Well if you must know, I have been out training with a very elite paramilitary zombie squad. Thats right, I'm preparing for the next outbreak. It has been tough, because I am no longer near my original zombie team (that and I have a wife that will surely be zombie food because she does NOT believe in zombies...her loss I guess). Any ways, I've been in Russia training, preparing, and of course, honing my skills of zombie eradication (I'm to zombies like Chuck Norris is to anything in the world). The training isn't a cake walk though. Russia has one of the highest zombie outbreak rates in the world. Its dangerous (some experts believe it is due to chemical testing that happened in Easter Europe behind the Iron curtain. Biologicals turned into out of control infectious diseases that now create the most lethal of all zombies. The movie "28 Days Later" with Cillian Murphy is the closest to what the real zombies move like. They aren't lumbering, slow, and dimwitted. These bastards are lightning quick, and ruthless. While on a training mission, one of the team got separated, and it was too dangerous to search for him by foot (we were trained in zombie survival scenarios if we were separated from the rest of the team, so we felt that he was in no immediate danger). The only way to search for him in the dark was to use a thermal camera attached to one of the helicopters. Here is the footage, but I warn you, it could be considered graphic.



That is a horrible way to go. It was a shame, but that is the inherent danger of being a zombie slayer. The team is now taking applications for those who might want to join the resistance, and be prepared to destroy the un-dead horde.

On other news, I've also been working for a Mental Health and Mental Retardation company, doing some casework, and skills training. If it weren't for HIPAA regulations, I would already have a sweet book deal in the works, after just three months. I've had to deal with some clients that seem to come right off the Jerry Springer show (one actually claimed that Jerry called them personally to ask if they would be on the show. The producers would have paid airfare, room and board, cigarettes, but no alcohol, that you had to pay for yourself). I even asked my boss if I were to change the names, and write under a nom de plume, but alas I was told no (apparently she had asked the same question some years earlier, and her dreams were squashed as well...although she did say if I promised to cut her in on the deal, I might have a yes). So that is what my time has consisted of. Killing zombies, and working with the mentally impaired.

It started as rioting. But right from the beginning you knew this was different. Because it was happening in small villages, market towns. And then it wasn't on the TV any more. It was in the street outside. It was coming in through your windows. It was a virus. An infection. You didn't need a doctor to tell you that. It was the blood. It was something in the blood. By the time they tried to evacuate the cities it was already too late. Army blockades were overrun. And that's when the exodus started. Before the TV and radio stopped broadcasting there were reports of infection in Paris and New York. We didn't hear anything more after that.

Where Have I Been?

Well, I'm sure that all you are wondering where I have been. The great Captain Charisma, Mr. Beaver himself. Well, to be quite honest...I've been tied up to an office chair in the basement by my future wife Brooke (total 'Misery' style, except Brooke is a whole lot hotter than Kathy Bates, totally). I finally chewed through the chain that was holding me to the chair, and was able to scramble off for help. Alas, even my cries of help were left unheeded, as I was told, "how can someone that cute and sweet do such a thing to you?". Well its quite simple, she's the boss. So I must do as I am told. Although I have decided to NEVER learn to speak woman, I will do what I can to make sure that she will be very happy as my wife. Well, that is the plan anyways. There are a ton of critics out there that exclaim that living with me is very difficult, and no one can really put up living with me. Brooke plans to try, and I know that by the grace of God she will (that, and she uses a really hard broomstick to hit me over the head with).

Actually, Brooke was fussing at me today because I never update any of my information, nor do I ever post any new collaborations with the voices in my head. She even got mad that I never do anything with my xanga account (which really doesn't bother me, because xanga is almost as evil as myspace). So, I am writing because she said I must do so (I'm thinking I might get the hang of the marriage thing), so that is what is going on.

Last week, I took Brooke to see 'Transformers', and let me say this simply...IT ROCKED! I can not wait for the sequel, nor the appearance of the Dinobots (Grimlock rules!!). Michael Bay did a great job, I was surprised (no Optimus Prime on Meagan Fox love scenes...that really scared me that such a thing might make the film).

I'm going to use the rest of this post to state two things: 1) the wedding is August 4th, which is getting very close, and 2.) I'm going to use the rest of this post to show pictures of my beautiful future wife, Brooke.

This is when Brooke and I went to see the Dallas Stars play
(isn't she super-gorgeous!?)

Here Brooke and I are together
(yes, I am well aware that she is way hotter than I am)

Finally, here was one evening when Brooke was trying to look seductive
(fortunately for her, it work).

Yes, Brooke is the second best thing that has ever happened to me (moving to Corpus, and learning how to live life so that i can be a better husband to her. Oh, Oh, Oh, one last thing: most awesome video ever! Check it out! (better than the cat eating sunroof).

Okay, you have got to stop calling your nose the Super Smeller. If you want to name a body part man, name your butt. Call it the tight-bouncer or the hexagon.

The Charisma Finally Won Over!

Just to let everyone know out there in the wild world, I have asked Brooke to marry me Tuesday night, and she has said yes (actually her first words were, "are you kidding me?" and of course then she said yes). I am officially engaged. It has happened. Let that be a lesson to all of those who told me it never would, or only after hell froze over. Check it out!
I can't believe it finally happened, but she and I are so extremely excited, and we are looking forward to the future. God is amazing, and amazes us all. This is going to be a crazy 4 months, because we have already set the date as August 4th, location to be announced.

Where is the Charisma?

Well, once again it has been an eterntiy since I have gone and posted on this blog. I feel that I have let down my faithful following, and then I slap myself to realize that there is no following. The only person who comments is my best friend Joe. He cares at what I have to say, that or he just likes to pitty me because no one else will leave comments (c'mon, he lives in Virginia...like there is anything to do in Virginia, except go to Washington D.C. and heckle the politicians?). Anyways, I should comment more often. I always have funny things to say. I am a funny person, with an addictive personality (ok, truth be told, I put cocaine into my friends drinks so they form an addictive need to be around me....but I digress). Then again, I feel I should still share my opinion for the world, and you know what? I will!

Since the last time I posted, Brooke and I went to Corpus, we've eclipsed the 3 month mark, I have started working at a golf driving range, and God has definatly given me things to think about, and opened doors for me. First on the trip to Corpus. Brooke and I made a 60 hour trip to Corpus and back for a short weekend to visit all my lovely friends down on the coast. Brooke really enjoyed herself, and my friends seemed to show a massive intrest in her (yipee for Brooke). I'm so glad that it worked out great for both parties, and of course me as well. We stayed with the Novasads, and Brooke and I went to the Lexington, I almost got sucked into a jet turbine engine, nearly fell down the gangway, and we were attacked by blood hungry butterflies. It was scary. We got to see JK show off her fire breathing skills, which, well, would not make any dragon swell with envy. Ah well. We met an awesome illusionist, and this guy named Jared Hall (he was a pretty good illusionist as well). Le' had some superwickedawesome (look, a new word, man I'm awesome!) card tricks. Made me want to take up magic tricks. I'm slowly learning, but I'm not ready to take my show on the road just yet. That was the basic trip in a nutshell. Lots o' fun.

Ok, so now that everyone is caught up. Time for the funny part of my post. My mother took me to go look for a new christmas tree. She wants a thinner taller tree (I want a wide one because you can put a lot of loot underneath it), but I pointed out that a real tree would be so much awesome. Then I got to thinking, knowing my luck, it would turn into a 'National Lampoon Christmas Vacation'. My moms cats would bring in a squirrel, and let it loose into the house. It will hide in the tree, and on Christmas day, Brooke would be like, "do you hear that? that knawing sound?" I'll get up, and just like Chevey Chase, will look into the tree, and be attacked by a flesh eating squirrel. So I veto any chance of a real Christmas tree. Don't want to be attacked by a zombie squirrel, I love my brains, and I'm kind of attached to them, and they're attached to me.

Until next time.

AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm So Ashamed!

Well, hello there. Long time no talk. I know, I know, I should be ashamed of myself. Can you believe it? I'm a cheater. I found a mistress, and by doing so, I have taken for granted something that has been there for me from the beginning. Why? I can't believe that I let myself become such a bastard. I better be careful, because I wouldn't want to end up in a Deutarotamy 23:1-3 situation. That could be bad. What is this talk of cheating am I talking about? Are there people freaking out assuming that I have found someone else and I have not been faithful to Brooke? No, she's all there for me. What I'm talking about is my extra-blogging affair that I've had on blogger. I have found myself dwelling in the land of *sigh* myspace. Oh mylanta. What have I done? I've gone from the classy lady of the internet to the easy hussy that hangs out on the corner of dirty-internet lane. I feel so dirty. Then again, am I really to blame? Can I pull the new American perspective and cast the blame on to someone else? Sure, why not. One reason I find myself dwelling in myspace land is the fact I get comments there! Can you believe it? People actually come and comment on myspace. Far more than just the few close people that take my blog to heart, and really enjoy its endearing comments. This site isn't going to put skanky advertisements in your face. I feel ashamed. As well I should be.

So, now that I've confessed my transgressions, I know that there are those who are wondering.....what have I been up to? We remember you moving to East Texas, I hear them thinking, then what? Well, to be honest...I've been doing the job hunt thing. I've done an interview, alot of applications, and a feeling of rejection. It is a little upsetting when you know you are called to go somewhere, and yet, things don't just fall in your lap. I stay positive, but it can be pretty hard. One extremely pleasant surprise though, I found the girl of my dreams. Talk about happy. That is how she makes me feel when ever we are around, and when I just think about her. I've become a sap. Sappy, I'm like a pine tree that has been cut. Sap everywhere. I should be ashamed, but I'm not. All y'all will just have to get over it. Other than that I got myself a job at a driving range while I search for a 'real' job. Then on to golf...
There has been something that has been bothering me though. Part of why I was called back home was to focus on my golf game. The work of it is going good. I'm falling in another area. For a long time, I've had a problem with my temper. I was one to fill with anger rather quickly

• ang*er(nggr) n. A strong feeling of displeasure or hostility.

but this only occurs when I encounter some extreme frustration

• frus*ra*tion(fr-strshn) n. 1. a. The act of frustrating or an instance of being frustrated. b. The state of being frustrated. 2. Something that serves to frustrate.

I have come to the realization that I have slid quite a bit in terms of my temper management. I have not had a major blast like the one that occured a couple years ago that brought my issue to ahead, but I've had quite a few microbursts. These have occured mainly on the golf course. I can not proceed in this venue with this kind of problem. I recognize the problem, and I know that I am aware of the process needed to fix it. The Man upstairs is going to have to be a major part of it, but I as well must accept responsibility. I need to focus He is the reason I play, and where I was given my talent. I have been failing in that area. That hurts a lot, and is the reason why I don't seem to be progressing any more. Of course they say that knowing is half the battle. So, that is what I've been up to. Trying to find a job, being a lousy worse half to blogger, and adoring Brooke. Next week, a road trip to Corpus Christi. Be warned. See you Friday!
What Nostalgic Super Nintendo Game are you?

Zelda: Link to The Past
You are Zelda: a Link to The Past. You are a classic tale of maiden fair locked up in the tower of an evil villain, and the brave somewhat dashing hero that comes to save her. Save fairies in bottles to rejuvinate you during battle and you should be okay.

Oh yeah, that is the other thing I've been up to. Sweet.

We have enjoyed preparing many of your esoteric dishes. Your Monte Cristo sandwich is a current favorite among the adventurous.

What in the Blue Blazes?! I am the Wild Blue Yonder!

So, I've been quite incognito when it comes to the land of this thing called 'the in-ter-net (sp?)'. Wondering what I've been up to? No, I didn't think so. I've been living life. Could be better, could be worse. Isn't that always how life goes. I wish to strive to for higher, and I do try, but sometimes I feel inadequate. We all fall short of the glory of God, but isn't it awesome that Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us that even though we fall short, we still have been given that unbelievable gift. At times (in my opinion, a lot of the time) I'm guilty for taking that concept for granted. We are still called to be exemplary, and shine for Christ in everything we do. E-V-E-R-Y THING. I found out what a positive feeling it can be for being that kind of light in how we show ourselves in public. Ok, backstory first though...

Around this time last year, actually about 2 weeks from now, I missed my flight back to Corpus from Longview. That meant I had to catch a flight out the next morning at 545 in the morning. Talk about a blast. Well, I was not the happiest of people knowing that I wouldn't be getting to the surprise party that was being thrown for me back in Corpus that night (yes, I knew well before hand). Anyways, that next morning, I'm sitting in the lobby, waiting to board the plane. There was a father and daughter sitting next to me, and the father noticed that I was reading my bible. It started a conversation that lasted all the way from Longview to the DFW airport. That is all I thought about it.
Until this past week. I went to pick up dinner at our local Applebees (yes, I was a little to lazy to fix dinner that night). Anyways, when the waitress brought me the order, she looked at me and goes, "You look really familiar." I get that alot. I am a want to be famous guy. Turns out she was the girl who was at the airport nearly one year ago. She then told me that she remembered what her father and I talked about, and that was crazy in my opinion. I doubt that if I had talked about something else, or hadn't been willing to share the gospel, she'd have never remembered me. In some way, I had an effect on her life, how ever small it might have been. That is why we should try our best to be what Christ would want us to be. I'm trying, how about you?

Ok, that was kind of like an 'Afternoon Special' on NBC, but unlike those, what I just talked about, is 100% true. Anyways. Life in the Piney Woods is quite nice. About as hot as Corpus, but there are a heck of alot more trees. Brooke and I are doing great, although she yells at me alot and calling me names. Then again, everyone calls me names, so I don't complain. The next tournament I play in, which will be on the 21st of October, turns out will have a 'celebrity guest' attending. The one and only Matthew McConaghey will be in attendance. How awesome for me, right? I just totally enjoy being around him, just like being in a tent filled with malaria carrying mosquitoes. Anywho, I saw this Family Guy clip, and it just made me laugh a whole lot, and kind of expresses how I feel about this actor (to be honest, I've heard that he has mellowed out since his nude bongo arrest in Austin), so I wouldn't wish it on him. We will see how it goes next month. But check this clip anyways.

Well guys and gals, I'll keep y'all posted on everything that is going on here in the Piney Woods, and so on and so on. Nothing funny to write tonite, but soon, hopefully soon, I'll have something funny to post.

If you ever leave me with a kid again I'll make sure you never have one. You have no idea what those screaming booger eaters are like. They expect you to... know stuff!

This Would be Number 75

Can you believe it? This is my 75th blogger blog. That is totally amazing. Not the fact that Blogger is willing to host 75 posts from me, but the fact that I can be mostly creative and funny for an astounding 75 times. Please hold your applause, and no flash photography, thank you. So how do I commemorate this amazing achievement? Well, I try to make funny. Maybe I can come up with something hysterical, something that will make you spew milk out of your nose as you are reading this (hopefully it doesn't mess up your computer monitor). So I came up with a wonderful idea on how to mark this special occasion, and involve my fans, but I've already tried the whole send an email to ask people to write back what they think (apparently my friends can't think that well, or they're just too lazy to write me a simple email). It would have been cool to see what people have to say about the first 74 posts I've written, and to hear what it is that they've liked most. If you chose to do that though, and you are someone who will actually say something..post it as a comment! I'll be glad to hear what you have to say. So I have this to use as a commemorative tool for my blog here:
Well, it has been a solid month since I have moved back to the Piney Woods, and there are a few major points on the news front. The top headline is I have found someone I am totally sold to, and could not find a reason not to be with her. Brooke is just totally amazing and awesome. I look forward to every chance I get to spend with her, whether it be just an hour or two for lunch, or the entire evening on a romantic date (hush all of you skeptics, I do know how to be romantic, just ask Brooke). Yes that is the most important headline I have to share. Other top stories since I've been here? Well for one, which my parents would probably think should be the top story as of late...I still have yet to find a job. I have quite a few leads, but nothing signed sealed and delivered (even Brookes family is getting in on the act asking when I'm going to get that elusive job). Oh, here is something else that I know quite a few people will love to hear, but won't read it here because they are to lazy to come visit me on blogger. I have created a *gasp* myspace account. Check it out....ask me to be your friend, and if I like you, I'll add you, if not? Well I'm sure I like you so you should be added.

Well, the inbred Jed came out today....I caught me a hummingbird. Yes, one of those fast flying tiny birds (and sorry Brooke, but they don't have a big sharp beak to peck you with and hurt you, they're gentle). Unfortunately, I have yet to find a snake, which has made me sad, but Brooke is sure glad that has been the case. She hates snakes, but she has agreed to go see 'Snakes on a Plane', isn't she an awesome girlfriend? I sure think so. Well, that's all I got. I hope that you have enjoyed this 75th post on blogger as much as I have (or should have).

Somebody asked me today, "Phil, if you could be anywhere in the world, where would you like to be?" And I said to him, "Prob'ly right here - Elko, Nevada, our nation's high at 79 today." Out in California, they're gonna have some warm weather tomorrow, gang wars, and some *very* overpriced real estate. Up in the Pacific Northwest, as you can see, they're gonna have some very, very tall trees.

Captain Charisma Rides Again!

So, I've been thinking (nobody pass out from suprise, I do think). Life sure is different back here in the Piney Woods. Things just aren't the same. I don't have a large group of people to spend numerous hours with doing random and fun things (Halo and movies come to mind). I basically have one person to fill that void with, but you won't hear me complaining. No offense, but she is prettier and holds my feelings captive better than the crew in Corpus (that and she's really pretty too). It would be nice if I could have my cake and eat it too, but I can't for two reasons: thats just how life is, and well I'm getting a little chunky (time to lay off the cake). I'm hoping that Brooke will be able to go on a road trip or two so she can meet the other people that mean a ton to me in my life. She was given the opportunity to meet one of my Corpus friends, when Mike came to Longview to bring me the rest of my crap I left in Corpus. It was an amazingly cool thing for him to do such a favor, and it was fun to get to hang out a bit (although, I think Mike came to find that Longview has about the same boring tendencies that Corpus Christi has...although we could have gone bowling for like $5).

Speaking of Corpus friends, Le caught my last post and the fact that I changed the name, and a couple of facts on my 'Hitman Name' stats. So, in retaliation, he quickly edited his, and changed his stats to Halo stats, but didn't change the header. Well since Longview doesn't have much to do, and Brooke was doing family things...I did change some things. Check it out. This is comming from Death's one mortal Halo enemy, the venerable Captain Charisma.
Golf has been entertaining, and slowly I'm finding my game again. I've torn down a portion of my swing, and I'm trying to get rid of the hitch at the top, causing a bit of a pull (why am I sharing these technical terms, because y'all probably don't understand it). I'll test my tournament fortitude come the end of the month in the city tournament. So we will see. Of course, there has been something else that has been keeping me more occupied than concearns of golf. If you're smart, you'll know what I'm talking about, and if you can't, I won't spell it out, but I'll let her tell you in person if I can talk her into a 7 hour car ride south.

I'll keep y'all posted on any new developments, golf, Brooke, life, otherwise.

Come on Bennett, throw away the gun, you don't just want to pull the trigger, you want to put the knife in me, and look me in the eye, and see whats going on in there when you turn it, thats what you want to do, right?

Some Special News

So, it has been a few days since I've posted, and I know that y'all are wanting to know everything that is going down with me, and you know, it has been great. This will be short and quick, I just have this to say. I asked Brooke if she felt that we should be a little more serious in our relatinoship, and she said 'sure thing.' So I guess you could say that I have a formal girlfriend, we aren't just dating any more. It's wild I know, but we spent a good three weeks before I moved back here, emailing each other, and we've learned alot about each other. It's just amazing. Oh, and Le posted this name generator to see what your hitman name is, and well, I did it...check me out!

Frankie Monticeillo People Iced: Two Hundred Car Bombs Planted: Twenty Five Favorite Weapon Springfield 1911 A Arms Broken: Twenty Three Eyes Gouged: Thirty Two Tongues Cut Off: One Biggest Enemy: Jack Hammer

The site even gave me Le's name as my biggest enemy. How crazy is that? That, and I'm a hitman hoss. Fear me, I'm the reaper.

I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's messed up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government screws in the rear on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullcrap I got two words for that: learn to freakin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big stinkin' surprise.

Oh the Good Ol Times

I finally think I'm getting close to being settled in. My room is starting to look like a room, and I have my home theater set up (man, you gotta love it when you can crank it!). I find myself missing my friends in Corpus on some nights, especially on Fridays, because I know they're going to the movies without me. Well, that is how life goes it. I shouldn't complain. I am now where God wants me to be, and by me crying would basically mean I was throwing a fit over what He wants me to do. So I can't do that. Life in the pineywoods is still nice, but I don't think the temperature or humidity is any different. Plus, I find myself in a very awesome situation as well.

What is this situation you ask? Simply put, I have found someone who lights up my smile every time she is around, or even when I just think about her. Brooke and I have really enjoyed each others company, and we also look to grow closer to God before we move closer to each other. Thats how it should be done. Right now, I can't think of any nicer suprise in moving back here, than to being able to date such a wonderful person. Simply amazing.

On to other news, it has been brought to my attention that my close friend Joe and myself will be comming up on our 10 year anniversary. I never thought about how long we had been friends, and I guess I had been taking that for granted that he and I have been close for so long (even though he moved off to Oklahoma, and now Virginia). This is a guy who was there for me in the akward years in highschool, and all the bad dates both he and I went on. There was even a point where we were conisdered a couple by both our familys because we spent so much time together. Ah, those great disfunctional years of highschool. What was fun back in the day were the PPV wrestling nights, charging $5 a head, and serving cheap pizza from Cici's. Not sure we ever turned a profit, but we had a blast watching grown men beat the crap out of each other. We also found ourselves in trouble with the establishment, causing all kinds of trouble. We even brought his brother into our deviant activities. While trying to pick up one of our other highschool chums, we apperently were being a tad bit too loud, and the neighbor across the street starting threatening to call the cops on us. We quickly tried to leave the scene, but not before Joe's little brother gave the neighbor a crotchchop, and quickly lead to us pulling him into the car as we sped off (man, talk about the good ol times...). I'm intent to try and build to another 20 years. It will be fun.

Jane, since I've met you I've noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

I'm the Cookie Monster....Okay?

So it seems that I have been pulled into the awful world of myspace. To be honest, its only partly true. The only reason I make a voyage into a land I detest, I do it appease my friends around the world (that way they can keep track of what I'm doing, by clicking the link on my myspace page to come here. How novel). The things I'll do for my public. I am a nice guy.

So in the pursuit of my ministry on the golf course is off to a decent start. If I am to make it to the PGA tour, I'll need to regularly shoot 5 under par on my home course. This past Saturday, I shot an even par 70. Only 5 strokes away. It is really exciting. I made a couple of mistakes, and that cost me a round under par, but those are mistakes that are erased by practice and experience. I'll keep everyone of you posted on how it goes on the course.

It came to my attention that my last entry has caused a bit of a stir (a little D-R-A drama). Someone made a comment about how I went on a date, and followed it up by quote "Does anyone else feel like their brain fell out of the back of their head?". I would have completely just bypassed the whole comment because I felt it was simply in jest. Then I got to thinking about it, and I think I drew more ire because of the first half of the comment, about me going on a date with a girl. Am I supposed to have taken out a man? I don't think so, that isn't how I roll. A close friend of mine went to bat for me, and said some sharp points in my defense. I appreciate it, because he knew why I was abstaining from dating while in my twilight years in Corpus. Hoowah good friends who know the whole story.

Well, there are some things I think I should share with all of you out there in netspace land. There was a very big reason why I did not date the past year and a half while I was in Corpus. I had to learn how to respect the concept of a relationship, and the best way to do that was not to date. Before when I dated, these relationships led to immorality and that is not what I'm about any more. So until I learned what it meant to appreciate a significant other, I didn't' deserve it. If I didn't do what I felt God was asking me to do, I never would have had the opportunity to date Brooke. Just look at her....downright gorgeous. Just looking at her picture puts a major smile on my face (she hates it when I post pictures of her though, I don't know why because she's GORGEOUS!!!!).

Brooke is quickly becoming something extremely special to me. I feel blessed every time I get to be around her. Our relationship is being built on God, and doing what He has instore for both of us. Daily we focus on moving closer to God, and in the process also grow closer together. She is something special. Who knows, maybe those of you out there, my faithful audience, will get to meet her if we are able to travel down to the ol' Csquared. Only time will tell. I'll keep you posted. Oh, speaking of awesome as well. October 27th, in Shreveport Louisiana, Family Force 5 is playing at LSU-Shreveport, and its FREE! Talk about awesome. I will definitely be there. This is a hot band that is quickly on the rise. If you're in the neighborhood around this time, hit me up, because I'll be looking for people to go with me (Brooke is going, she just doesn't know it yet).

You're a brave man. Go and break through the lines. And remember, while you're out there risking your life and limb through shot and shell, we'll be in be in here thinking what a sucker you are.

Catch Up Time

Ok, just so everyone knows, I am alive, well and safe back in Longview. The move from Corpus was long, weary, and oh by the way...long. It took nearly 8 hours to get back (only because I ran out of steam, and we had to stop a couple of times, thats life). So now its back to life in the woods. So what have I been doing you ask? Here is what I've been doing.

I had a friend in Longview named Brooke. I knew her before I moved to Corpus, but we hadn't thought of each other as nothing more than friends. When it became apparent that I was moving back to Longview, we put the cards on the table about our feelings, and felt it would be nice to try a date. We did, and it was a blast. We went to eat at a Tex-mex restraunt, and then putt-putting (she hated the little song and dance I had for going to play putt-putt. I think it was the coreography). Brooke told me that she could not play putt-putt, and I took this picture right after she made a hole in one on the first hole.

Brooke is gorgeous, no? I think so. Even though she snookered me into her putt-putt skills. When it was all said and done though, I won. My golf skills kicked in, but she kept it extremely close. It was a blast.

So, this week is 'find a job' week. I'll check out the market, see what is out there....there has to be something out there. Who knows, I should find a super duper job. That and I am sure I'll get to spend some more time with Brooke.

Told ya, I've been busy. I'll keep all y'all informed on all I do, because I know y'all miss me as much as I miss y'all.

Yeah, we're friends. But, you know, it's the type of friendship where if you're in trouble, I probably won't be there for you. Just like I wouldn't expect you to be there for me. It's a more honest friendship. It's not this like phony thing. It's a genuine friendship. I can't trust you. You can't trust me. I'm not gonna take a bullet for you. I'm not gonna jump on a grenade for you. I'm gonna...

All I Wanted To Get Was Hamster Food

Well, thanks to a couple of friends of mine, I have been banned from ever going into the PetCo. here in Corpus Christi, from now on (well, as far as the store is concerned, a gay guy named Steve is banned from there, but they might have my picture...tricky security cameras).

So, let me catch you up so you'd understand what it is I am talking about. Le and Adde got two gerbils shortly after they were married. Their names Abott and Costello, a pair of brother gerbils. They were heralded as two sweet nice cute critters. Well, as time progressed, these two lovable critters became viewed as hellions and evil bastards. The time came when one evening, Adde went to care for them, and one bit Adde to drew blood. This sent Le (who understandably, but also scared me, went into 'its time to kill this rodent that hurt my wife' mode. I feared for my own life). Well, after threats to turn these new spawns of satans into cosmogerbils, Adde called PetCo to see if they would take the gerbils back. Well, after a phonecall, the store said they would take them back.

So that brings us to today. I go with Le and Adde to PetCo. Adde comes in, comes back out and says that they won't take the gerbils. She then suggests that we should go to PetSmart and see if they would take the gerbils there. On the way, Le goes off on how rediculous that PetCo was (apparently, they were burned before by the same store on taking rodents, but I digress), and he suggested that Adde should just put them on a counter and leave. After we get to PetSmart and find out that they as well won't take the gerbils, Le volunteers me (he had on a Revolution tshirt, so supposedly he couldn't do it himself) to return the critters from hell.

I go in, and stand there for a moment waiting for someone to come to my aid and represent the store. Finally this one guy walks up, and I explain to him my story about how I can not take care of these rodents any longer, and if he could help. He says to me, 'Sorry sir, but I already talked to your girlfriend and told her no about those gerbils (refering to Adde going in).' I quickly get all hysterical, and in my best lispy voice go, 'Oh no you didn't I have no girlfriend, and you will refer to me as Miss, got it? I need to talk to your manager now.' The guy, as he is quickly walking away, points to the manager telling me that is the guy I need to talk to. So, I approach the manager, and quickly begin dropping names of who I talked to and who I was told to talk to. He told me he was sorry but he was up to his ears in gerbils. I offer to help him with those critters because I would be looking for a good time (I'm still talking with my lispy voice so it is getting quite alarming for him I'm sure). Well, after this exchange, I am escorted out of PetCo, and walked to the door. They never give me a chance to just leave the cage and run, they litterally walk me to the front door. As I'm leaving, they tell me that I am no longer welcome at their PetCo. I was banned from an animal store!?! So much for my hamster, he won't be able to eat now because I can not go in and buy food for him. Poor bad haired hamster.

In my defense, one of the two people in the car suggested to me that I should 'pretend to be gay' when I talked to the manager. I was supposed to tell him that they were too much of a temptation for me, and so on, but I haven't a idea why I should have, it is just beyond me. But yeah, I've been banned. No more PetCo. I just hope that it doesn't carry a ban back in Longview, seeing as how I will be living there in about a month. Ah well that is life. I still think it would have been fun to turn the gerbils into cosmogerbils. Then again, that is just me.

What a pain in the ass you are. And it's true: you're not young, you're not new, and you do make people laugh. And me? I'm still with you because you make me laugh. So you know what I got to do? I got to sell my plot in Key Biscayne so I can get one next to you in that craphole Los Copa, so I never miss a laugh.

Sounds Like Time for a Good Post

Many times I've wondered who actually reads what I write? I mean, I know of a few people, but that is only because I stand over their shoulders and make a point that they should read what I write (but that isn't quite the same, I want to know the unbridaled reader of my blog). I am funny, well I think that I'm funny, people tell me I'm funny...actually they say it more like this, 'yeah sure, you are quite the funny guy there..sure are'. I could be mistaken, because I bet that could be considered as sarcasm. I try to be funny, I really really do. So, as I said the other day, the winds of change are a blowing, but I'm still keeping quite mum on the whole ordeal until later when I will hold a press confrence.

So, 'Superman Returns' opened in theaters, and I went with a mass of people to go see the man of steel return to the big screen. Movie was good, Superman had a bastard child, saved the world from Lex Luthor, so on and so on (well according to Le', Superman married Lois Lane in 'Superman 2', and therefore the child is NOT a bastard, but then again, what does Le' know?). I'm running out of creative and funny ideas. I need to come up with some new ones. I need a creative muse. I need to go and buy some creative juices so that I can be funny once more. I need to stop saying I need.

Life as a college graduate isn't all that it appears to be. I mean, what has changed? Other than the fact that I owe a few thousand dollars to the government? (hmm, wonder if I could get away with pointing out that the government should focus on its own debt before it comes and bugs me about mine? nah, they're the government, they can do what they want to do).

I have great friends. From top to bottom, well, not really on the bottom because they would have had to do something bad to end up on the bottom (I'm just kidding, I have a great group of friends that I have acrewed during my time on this earth, really I have). Maybe I should get a list together and write what it is that makes them special to me? Sure, why not? Well, here is why not, I wouldn't want to offend anyone by leaving them off the list. So I'll keep mum on this list (wow, I've said mum twice in one post, it is scary). I tried to get people involved in my blog, tried to make it interactive, I even sent out emails to people, trying to ge them to respond to build up intrest. I got 4 responses. Never again. Honestly, well, we will see if I ever try that one again.

Man, I am no longer funny. Just a washed up comedic hack. Better not quit my day job, (wait I don't have a day job, aw crap, now I'm doubly depressed).

Mal: What was that?
Wash: Did you see that?
Mal: Was that the primary buffer panel?
Wash: It did seem to resemble...
Mal: Did the primary buffer panel just fall off my gorram ship for no apparent reason?
Wash: Looks like!
Mal: I thought Kaylee just checked the entry couplings! I have a very clear memory of...
Wash: Yeah, well, if she doesn't get us some extra flow from the engine room to offset the burnthrough, this landing is gonna get pretty interesting.
Mal: Define "interesting".
Wash: "Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die"?

A Howling Wind

Ok, the World Cup is over, and the US was bounced out by the officiating. Man, when I was a player, boy did I just want to kick the referees. Then again, that is the fun part of the game, human error. It just happens. So, now its time to watch the tourney just to enjoy the game of soccer. Sweet. Oh want to see what happens when other officials in other sports get the ire of coaches and players? check this out:

Okay, now onto a bit of nuttyness. In the county of Turkey, the Muslim hardliners have had 'Winnie the Pooh' banned from their networks. All because the show has that one character, Pigglet, a dirty little pig. I guess that means the poor little children in Turkey are also forbidden to watch the likes of 'Babe', 'Charolette's Web', and due to Arthur, 'Green Acres' (Even I won't watch the upcomming 'Charolettes Web', only because Oprah and Julia Roberts are in it). Oh wait, by this standard Allah would even forbid *gasp* 'The Muppet Show', all because of that ueber diva, Mrs. Piggy. Of course, for those of us who grew up watching the muppets, we all know how Mrs. Piggy would react, and that is by pimpslapping Allah with her trademark 'HIYAH' !!! Then again, the muslim extreemists would kill non-muslims because it isn't fair to talk in a derogatory manner about Allah, yet they can call Jews and Christians 'pigs', and 'infadels'. I don't see anyone going on a crusade over that. Man I hate double standards. In defense of muslims, I have some muslim friends, and they don't hold the same view as those extremists. I respect them, because they don't believe in a double standard. I hate double standards.

Other stupidity in the world, in Wales, a play house is showing 'The Jerry Springer Play', in which by all accounts, is very anti-Christian. It portrays Jesus (as a self admited 'semi-gay'), the virgin Mary (who claims to have been raped by God), and our soverign Lord as a bumbling oaf. They go as far as to have Eve give Jesus a handjob onstage. Yet here in America, a movie is given a PG-13 rating because it has a religous theme. I just dont' get it. If this play made fun of muslims (portraying Mohammed acting as a pedafile), the entire world would be in an uproar, because it is only fair to pick on Christians.
Then again, look at what people hold in views of Christians:

So what if the "Da Vinci Code" movie is perceived as anti-Christianity? Christianity itself is clearly "anti" every other religion as well as anti-agnostic and anti-atheist, but you don't hear those other groups (except the Muslims and Scientologists) whining about it.

I figure that any religion that is so insecure and defensive that they have to complain about every perceived deviation from church dogma and scripture, couldn't have much going for it in the way of credibility or the faith of its believers. And if the Christian hierarchy is worried that their poor gullible followers might conceivably believe the "Da Vinci Code" version of the Christ story, even after years of indoctrination, then perhaps a credibility gap already existed in their beliefs

I'm just at a loss for words. The enemy holds on tight to the world, even though he is defeated. Alas, whatever the joke that is made at a Christians expense, the final retrobution is ours, as we ascend into Heaven. It is sad as well, because those who turn against Christ, get an aweful descent. Continue to pray for them all.

The winds of change are blowing, something is on the horizon, I'll keep you posted.

Perry: Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?
Harry: A picture of me?
Perry: No! The definition of idiot. Which you #&*$! are!

What is this? The Worlds Game? You Betcha.

The worlds game. It envelops the entire globe once every four years. This year, they find themselves in Germany, the entire world. Amazing. I know I'm not being funny, but I'm not trying to...yet. Anyways, the World Cup starts on the 9th of June. Whoopie. I'll have to go to the dollar store and buy a stack of VHS tapes (gotta start me a soccer video collection). The group of death. Group E. That is where the US finds itself, playing the Czech, Italians, and the African team of Ghana. Let the fun begin.

Back in 2002, when the world was playing in Korea and Japan, I was up early to watch all the US games. That meant waking up at 3 in the morning, and I overslept a whole 4 mins, only to miss Eddie Lewis scoring right off the bat. As the day woke, the US won, 3-2. Talk about a way to kick off the tourny. Really makes me miss the game, wish I spent more time doing what it was that I did so well, could have been me (sure, I keep telling myself that). Two days later, its a 1-1 tie to Korea (darn you Jeff Agoose, you and your weak side defense). Then to end the first round, a great screwjob by an official who s more pro-Asian, than pro-American, the US gets jobbed, yet thanks to Korea, they back into the second round, only to find their CONCACAF nemesis, Tri-Colores (man, the Mexican team is so overhyped, they can never win after the round robin, who actually thought they stood a chance?), and a 2-0 victory. Man, that leaves a sweet taste in your mouth. The Cinderella dream comes to a close thanks to Michael Ballacks header with eyes, and a new-age hand of fate, from Martin Klose, keeping Craig Berhaulters shot from crossing the line (darn you, you scottish ref, a handball is a handball, bust the card out you pansy). So we have to wait til this month. Retribution. Now ranked 5th in the world (Mexico is now 4th, and the Czech are 2nd in the world), playing in the group of death. Lets go, time to rumble, and show the world Americas sports tenacity. If only I could be in Germany to cheer them on, what a blast that would be.

This frigging game is ruining my life.

Lines, Lines, Lines

So, tonight, X3-The Last Stand. Well, one thing about it, stand-ing was right (yeah, I know that was a great humor delay, laugh, laugh). So, I realized something, I really do not like lines. Lines to the ticket counter, lines to the snack bar, lines to get into the theater, lines to the bathroom, and when I got to do some acting, I hated learning my lines (worst part was even during rehersal, if you forgot your lines, you'd have to yell, yep, you guessed it....LINE!). Don't even get me started on coke lines. Lines are aweful. Maybe the only line I have liked was 'Walk the Line', and that was just because it was Johnny Cash. Why don't they have a special row for special people to go to the front of the, grrr, line. So, what do the movie theaters suggest on how to get ahead of the (here, I'd like to use the phrase 'L-word', but apparently the lesbians claimed that phrase, and it would not be cool to say, 'the movie theaters suggest we use a certain website to get past the L-word..wow, sounds like an advertisement to some sleezy website, and we can't have that) group of people standing in a single file uniform pattern to get to their destination, they want you to use fandango.

What is fandango I hear all of you ask at once? If you have been living in a cave with Usama, or just plain ignorant, this is a website that allows you to buy tickets online, but what makes the stand out among the rest of the other pre-pay websites is their aweful paperbag puppet commercials. I speak for everyone when I let out a displeasured groan. Robot Chicken did a funny thing, to pardoy fandango, take a peak...

Yeah, need I say more? Those commercials are pure Grade A manuer.

Well, I'm back in the Double C, and on the hard job hunt. I hate resumes, they are a pain in the butt to take care of (to advance in this world, you gotta do it) but I completed mine. Some times I wish I could get paid for doing nothing (like working for the oil companies). Unfortunatly, I can't.

So, that is where I stand at the moment, hopefully I will have a change of status for y'all. We will see.

Why am I here? Why are you here? Why is anybody here? I think it was Jean-Paul Sartre who once said... how do you spell spell Sartre? *slap* Owww... and let that be a lesson to you.